while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
