she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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