Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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