So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
