i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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