Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
