Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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