party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
