Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
