I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
