Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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