so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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