Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I puked a lego.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
