how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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