As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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