Capitaan dildo arrescate!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
NoShamevember. You game?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize