Define "chronic" masturbator.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
