Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
