Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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