What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
