remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
