so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Still dying that you shit outside
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
