I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
