maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've blown a few things in my day
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
