Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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