Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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