what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
