why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
