Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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