shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
