Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
