you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
