My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
