Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
