my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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