She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
