I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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