Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Never underestimate the power of titties
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
