Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
