just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
