It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you inspire me to be a worse person
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
