Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
