i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
