she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
