i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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