And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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