honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
