You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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