i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
