like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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