We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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