Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
