Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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