My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
