Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
