I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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