Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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