Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
