I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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