We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
