My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
