Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
