Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
