As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
