she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize