Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
