I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
pray to the hookup gods
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize