I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize