Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
