YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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