I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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