That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
