is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
