I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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