we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
