Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
