Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
