my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize