just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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