I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
