sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I want a musical about memes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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