I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
