they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
