come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
