I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
