Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and she was petting her beer can
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
