They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
