Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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