Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
